Journal that made onto the internet...

 I want to write. I do. But I am in a writing slump just like the reading slump. Today it was quite confusing. I was in a haze. I still am I think. Left a book after reading 200 pages of it. I guess I am sick of rom-coms for life. Too bad. And I wanted to write a rom-com. Anyway, I think that overreading one genre is the cause of the reading slump. I thought that reading intense books about suicides and basically different from what I usually read. Thinking it would make me think and feel. I feel numb mentally. But not in a depressing but rather in a confusing way. And I did realize the difference between when I do enjoy reading and I don't. And it's harder than I realized because I would love to read about anything in the world when I am not in the reading slump.

I am glad this is a phase like before. Or I think it is. Because Reading is my true passion. I am leaving things here and there by which I mean TV series, books, and journals. Am I changing as a person? It's quite an exciting experience trying to figure out what I like now. But I guess it's necessary. I think I will continue these hobbies with kind of interests you know topics. I was thinking one more thing though I am a positive person. I think I have trained myself to look on the brighter side and move on. While I was reading the summaries of the books I mentioned above I could see how intensely and deeply the author must have taken these experiences to write like that. Although I can't really say what makes the difference

The things people went through or how they chose to deal with it in the sense of how hard they tried to heal themselves.

It sounds debatable.

Isn't it?

I'll try to explain this chain of thought.

So here I am, a uni student pursuing my master's who has seen her share of hurt in the 22 years of her life.

Again not in the way it has broken me. But in a way human intentions clash with one another and you see how their emotions overpower them and they do something that affects us.

Now growing up I have trained myself to let go and forgive and be zen as much as I can.

And then there are authors who write dark emotions and express them in a way that might wake up feelings we might have suppressed.

So my question is which one made the difference?

Them having experiences beyond the normal capabilities of human emotional capacity.

Or them analyzing them.

And if it's the latter one. How brave of them really.

But does that make me a coward? And have I suppressed sentiments that should have been addressed in the facade of moving on to the next hard thing?

I do hope to write books with the sole intent of comforting people and helping them realize they're not the only ones who feel like that and say things that I can't in person. 

Then I guess I am gonna have to tap into thoughts that I normally wouldn't dare.